As stated in Chapter Five, the family is a heavenly,
celestial organization. Our earthly families are designed after the heavenly
order that is modeled by God the Father and our Heavenly Mother. When a man and
a woman marry and make commitments and promises to one another in a holy
temple, a new family, a kingdom, or government within itself is created. (2)
This establishment of a new “government or kingdom” is
well illustrated by studying the story of Abraham and Sarah. The Book of
Abraham contains a history of these two faithful people who were living in the
prosperous, but the wicked, city of Ur. Their ancestors had turned from
righteousness, and now worshiped "gods of the heathen" and had their
"hearts set on evil". But Abraham's desires were different. He said,
"Finding there was greater happiness and peace and rest for me, I sought
for the blessings of the fathers." (3)
Who were "the fathers", and what were their
"blessings"? The fathers were the great patriarchs, Adam, Noah, Shem , and the prophets through the ages. And the blessings were those attached to The
New and Everlasting Covenant, or the blessings that we now available to us through
ordinances. Abraham wanted to have "great knowledge" of truth, he
desired to be a "follower of righteousness", a "father of many
nations", a bearer of the Melchizedek Priesthood with an intention to
serve in God's Kingdom and to keep commandments and covenants.
Sarah must have had these same desires and she and
Abraham were married. They must have been equally yoked in the things of
righteousness because the desire of their hearts was to make an eternal
marriage covenant and be parents. Against all odds, they were worthy of these
blessings. Abraham and Sarah were great examples of powerful individuals who
understood God's plan for His children and worked to be able to be worthy of
the choicest covenants and blessings God had for them. It has been written that
despite living in this time of total apostasy, Abraham and Sarah were instruments
through which God established a royal family through which the scepter of God’s
power, his royal priesthood, would be perpetuated to the end of time. (4)
The very same blessings that Abraham and Sarah
obtained, can be ours, too, by participating in the ordinances and covenants--
specifically the marriage covenant. I once heard former President of BYU,
Merrill Bateman, talk of a young couple whom he had witnessed being married in
the Salt Lake Temple. "The sealing ordinance is one of the supreme
blessings inherited from Abraham (and Sarah). In that ceremony, the young
couple was promised all the blessings of their forbearers if they would be
faithful. They were promised the blessings of the priesthood, a righteous
posterity, a homeland, and a kingdom." (5) President Bateman said that
this couple laid claim on their spiritual birthright and that they created a
new eternal kingdom. Or as Elder Bruce R. McConkie called marriage, “Another
eternal house of Israel.” (6) Marriage is God’s eternal plan for couples and
every sweet love story deserves the promises of eternity that come when two are
made one in an eternal marriage.
The scriptures teach that it is not good to be alone
and that we each need a help-meet, or a helper-person, who is our matched,
suited, interdependent companion. (7) Marriage is a merger of talent and
ability. The goal is unity and oneness (8) A couple walks, hand in hand and
side by side through all of the experiences of their probationary state. They
counsel together. They love and respect each other mutually. They are
unselfish, solicitous, complementary partners. Elder Bruce Hafen said,
“Marriage partners support each other, and understand that they don’t need to
perform the same functions to be equal.” (9)
Marriage is organized horizontally with co-equal partners. (10)
Author and Educator, Emma Lou Thayne published an
article describing the relationship of her co-equal parents. She described that
her mom and dad, “Pug” Warner and Grace Richards, imagined their marriage as a
wonderful merger. While still dating they called themselves, “Richards-Warner,
Inc.” Sister Thayne said that “incorporated” was their marriage secret for
success. “To their joint enterprise of marriage, Father and Mother brought
diversity... (but) If there was a “head” of our home, I couldn’t define it. The
whole thing was head and heart and always in motion. The command lay where
the expertise was—or where necessity
placed it… Whatever manhood, adulthood, and priesthood Father brought to life,
Mother shared; and whatever womanliness, talent, and grace she smoothed upon
her hours and days, he partook of with loving-kindness. And together they led
us—or
rather we followed—in their paths of
righteousness because it all was so good.” (11)
Sister Thayne describes a wonderful union where there
was not an obvious one person that was the “head”, but instead two people that
were one. A couple that worked together so well that the home was “head, heart
and always in motion.” She also describes a natural division of labor that
merged manhood with womanhood so seamlessly that there was lovely unity, free
of comparing and competing.
Just a few weeks before I married, my soon to be
husband, Greg, and I attended a family wedding. I was standing next to my Dad,
and he and I were enjoying watching from afar as Greg laughed and talked to
people in his out-going, affable, friendly way. My Dad, who uses words
judiciously, began to speak, so I listened carefully. “You two are so alike,
Valerie. I hope that you will never compete with him.” That comment shocked me
a little. On that happy day, I could not imagine that I would ever want to
compete with this wonderful man.
That said, I have thought of that wise advice many,
many times over the years, especially as our individual responsibilities with
the work of life, family, and Church service have looked less identical. I’ve
been thankful for my dad’s caution to never compete or compare, but only to love
and be thankful. Men and women play roles that are not identical, but they are
equally essential. Working together, a man and a woman become a heavenly team.
President Gordon Hinckley promised that marriage
partners can cultivate a “constantly rewarding appreciation for one another” by
stopping to reflect a minute on the really wonderful person to whom you are
sealed. “I know of no more certain way to keep (marriage) on a lofty and
inspiring plane than for a man occasionally to reflect upon the fact that the
help-meet who stands at his side is a daughter of God, engaged with Him in the
great creative process of bringing to pass His eternal purposes. I know of no
more effective way for a woman to keep ever radiant the love for her husband
than for her to look for and emphasize the godly qualities that are a part of
every son of our Father and that can be evoked when there is respect and
admiration and encouragement. The very processes of such actions will
cultivate a constantly rewarding appreciation for one another.” (12)
One of the ways that husbands and wives work together
is to support each other in what God has asked them to do. I had a good giggle
at a story told by Elder Robert D. Hales about taking turns and supporting one
another in callings. He said that after serving as an elders quorum president,
a branch president, and a bishop over a period of five years, his family moved
to a new stake where his wife was asked to be a Relief Society president. Quoting
Elder Hales, “She went to her first meeting with the bishop, while I chased two
youngsters up and down the halls, through the parking lot, through the cultural
hall, and had my first experience with waiting. I waited one and a half hours. When
she came out, I had one boy in my arm and was holding the other by the hand. I
had that look on my face. You know the look. I didn't have the courage to
say anything, but I just gave her a look that said, ‘Do you realize you've kept
me waiting an hour and a half’ All she did was raise five fingers and say,
"Five years." That is how long she had (spent) waiting for me." (13)
Marriage Contracts Partners to Each
Other’s Care
Marriage unites two separate and distinct individuals,
both bringing strengths to the union. Couples also bring weakness, which
provides the growth and character development that both partners need in order
to be more like Deity. This is consistent with the purpose of our probationary
state. The civil marriage ceremony gets it perfectly right in
this-- a couple is to love, honor, cherish through sickness and
health and whatever befalls it, for the entirety of life. A temple
marriage lifts and exalts that civil definition because the Gospel teaches
that "...marriages are meant to last forever." (14)
Marriage covenants have the purpose of contracting a
man and a woman into the saving work of God. That means that a married
person's first concern is the care and happiness of his or her
spouse. At the altar, we promise our most sincere efforts to safely deliver
that partner back to our Heavenly Father.
In 2015, Elder D. Todd Christofferson introduced the
Church to Dietrich Bonhoeffer's powerful "Letters and Papers from
Prison" in which Bonhoeffer states, “Marriage is more than your love for
each other…In your love you see only the heaven of your own happiness, but in
marriage you are placed at a post of responsibility towards the world and
mankind. Your love is your own private possession, but marriage is more than
something personal-- it is a status, an office.” (15)
Your happiness and even your own "private
possession of love" belongs to you, but marriage is
different. In the marital covenant, you are standing at a post of
responsibility to that spouse. You are the guardian of their feelings,
comfort, and care. You defend and protect them. You care for their needs
and are ever attentive. You are, in every benevolent, altruistic way,
continuing the saving work of God the Father for your companion. (16)
This works beautifully when both partners are whole.
But, trickier when challenges arise. It is good to remember that a bump-free
marriage was nowhere promised. Marriage is a faith-based work. (17) That means
that we go into it, quite probably naive, but with a heart full of hope in
Christ. In times of trouble, we might mistakenly think that we were promised a
healthy, long life of happiness and security with a best friend. No.
What we were promised was a probationary state and a responsibility.
We were promised an opportunity to prove, test, refine, and
sanctify a marriage relationship so that it will last into the eternities.
The covenants and promises of marriage ride storms, stay loyal when trouble
comes, and celestial marriages give second, and third, and maybe even “seventy
times seven” (18) chances.
Elder Bruce Hafen applied the parable of the shepherd
and the hireling to the love, care and commitment that marriage requires. He
said, “Marriage is by nature a covenant, not just a private contract one may
cancel at will. Jesus taught about contractual attitudes when he described the
‘hireling,’ who performs his conditional promise of care only when he receives
something in return. When the hireling ‘seeth the wolf coming,’ he ‘leaveth the
sheep, and fleeth…because he…careth not for the sheep.’ By contrast, the Savior
said, ‘I am the good shepherd …and I lay down my life for the sheep.’ (19) Many people today marry as hirelings. And
when the wolf comes, they flee. This idea is wrong. It curses the earth,
turning parents’ hearts away from their children and from each other.” (20)
The Apostle Paul emphasized that husbands and wives
should love each other in the same way that Christ loved.
"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the
church, and gave himself for it…For this cause shall a man leave his
father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall
be one flesh; let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as
himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." (21) The
Savior’s transcendent act of sacrificing Himself to rescue and redeem a broken
mankind offers couples a model for marital love and commitment. When times of
strain come, one might need to figuratively sacrifice his or her own “life” or
hopeful perceptions or idealistic notions of what is owed to them. This, in
order to save the partner. This is the covenant.
Marriage was designed by God to ensure that men and
women would never be alone. Like parenting, it is a custodial relationship. A
husband adores and serves and a wife adores and serves. Together, united, and
armed with their divine propensities, they can build a marriage and family that
assists in God’s saving work. They use God’s power through the Holy Ghost as
their guide and comfort to make earthly marriages into celestial marriages.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.