Our earthly families are designed after the heavenly order that was modeled by God the Father and our Heavenly Mother. When a man and a woman marry and make commitments and promises to one another in a holy temple, a new family, a kingdom, or government within itself is created. (2) The husband and wife love each other. They create a home and prepare physical bodies for the spirit children of God. Mothers and fathers, have the predominant responsibility for teaching, preparing and inviting their children to repent, receive ordinances, and make and keep covenants. (3) Mothers and fathers are God’s secret weapon in the salvation of mankind.
The family is central to God’s Plan of Salvation. Family relationships are covenanted partnerships to love and care for each other, back into the presence of God. (4) Men and women, with distinct, but complementary roles, bear and labor for each other, and they bear and labor for their children. Not only do families love and minister with tremendous success, they are designed by God to be effective with “the one”. In this hard, important work, we need God’s power. We need to be magnified by the Holy Ghost.
Family is a Saving Organization
Families who are functioning according to God’s Plan, ensure that each partner in a covenant-keeping marriage is never separate and alone in their earthly walk. Through the ups and downs, there is always someone by your side to help you. Marriage provides each person his or her own personal "helper" (5): a strength, an advocate, a teammate, a partner.
Family can also ensure that a child has what he or she needs to be able to return to our Heavenly Father. Parenthood is instant love. From the first look at new baby fingers and toes, moms and dads love their children eternally. That love is a holy endowment. Loving parents ensure that there will always be someone invested, someone who will forgive and exercise compassion, someone who will not give up, someone who will always teach, guide, and lead children to Christ. The family is a loving, teaching, caring bridge, from God's arms premortally to God's arms eternally.
President Ezra Taft Benson quoted Doctrine and Covenants 132 and explained, "...it is the opportunity and responsibility of wives (and husbands) to multiply and replenish the earth...(and) to fulfill the promise which was given by (The) Father"...(to exalt) His children…That they might bear the souls of men; for herein is the work of The Father continued." (6) This is beautiful doctrine-- the family is “the work of the Father continued”. What started with the organization of our spirits and the teaching and training we received pre-mortally, continues during our earth life with a mother and father “bearing the souls of men”.
Elder D. Todd Christofferson taught, “A family built on the marriage of a man and woman supplies the best setting for God’s plan to thrive—the setting for the birth of children, who come in purity and innocence from God, and the environment for the learning and preparation they will need for a successful mortal life and eternal life in the world to come.” (7)
Some time ago I took a walk through the stunning St Patrick's Cathedral in Charleston, South Carolina. The stained-glass windows depicted scenes from the Savior's life, and they were spectacular! Walking the perimeter of that cathedral, while the sunlight poured into these windows, was a moving experience for me. One window was especially beautiful. It showed Christ is His majestic red robe, holding and comforting little children. His eyes were kind and full of love. Watching close by were more children waiting for their turn to feel His love. It was a lovely, tender-hearted scene.
As I stood there a bit longer, I noticed that those children were in the arms of mothers. The kids had been brought to the feet of Christ in families. One of the mothers was teaching and listening and explaining what the child was experiencing. Another was comforting and supporting a child who was hesitant or confused. The third, was a mother who was helping the baby be patient and take his turn. Inside the halls of St Patrick's that day, I felt a brilliant burst of purpose reaffirming this-- that parenting was about bringing children to the Savior. And that He has the ability to bring us back to God.
The
Blueprint for this Work is The Family Proclamation
The Family Proclamation is a one-page,
humankind-stabilizing document that was delivered by President Gordon B.
Hinckley. (8) The document, first publically read in 1995, has been distributed
far and worldwide to Heads of State, Kings and Queens, Parliaments, and
Government Officials. (9)
The document teaches that God’s purposes are accomplished
by heavenly delegation in the form of Godly roles and responsibilities
sometimes associated with gender. The Family Proclamation teaches that each of
us are children of God and have "divine nature and
destiny". That "gender is eternal". That marriage is God's
and is between a man and woman. That each have equally important, God-given
roles that they fulfill with the love and support of one another. A father is
to provide, preside and protect, and a mother is to create, nurture and
minister. Both, with full attention and intention. Together, side by side,
they run a home and family that is full of faith, love, forgiveness, teaching,
activities and respect. The family's purpose is to assist heaven in
"returning" God's children back to Him.
Matriarchs give life and guide children to truth.
Patriarchs prepare children for and then offer ordinances. (10) Mothers create
life, influence, nurture, and prepare children for covenants. Fathers preside
and teach, train and offer saving ordinances. (11)
Elder Russell M. Ballard has said, “Men and women have
different gifts, different strengths, and different points of view and
inclinations. That is one of the fundamental reasons we need each other. It
takes a man and a woman to create a family, and it takes men and women to carry
out the work of the Lord. A husband and wife righteously working together,
complete each other.” (12) Heavenly Father needs women and men to magnify
distinct but equally-vital family roles in order to bring His saving purposes
to pass.
Valerie Hudson-Cassler, an author, offered this
insightful explanation, “God’s plan is a circle. We leave Him to gain a mortal
body and agency and opportunity, but His plan is that we come back to Him,
cleansed by the Atonement and ordinances. Men and women play different roles in
helping God with these objectives…Here is it in simplicity: A mother offers
children what they need from their earthly home. The chance to leave Heavenly
Father (through birth), life (a body), and a probationary state. She creates an
earthly home full of nurturing. Then stands close to teach and nurture and
love. A father offers children what they need to return to our heavenly home:
ordinances and spiritual leadership…In a family and marriage relationship no
one is working alone and independently.
Our responsibilities and roles cross and intersect at every turn…a
couple works together as partners, (even though) there are some distinctive
roles assigned by gender.” (13)
So, a mother offers what a child needs in order to
leave the presence of our Heavenly Father and navigate the tricky earthly-test
of agency-- a body and a “home full of nurturing” and teaching. A father offers the child what he or she
needs to return to our Heavenly Father—ordinances and guidance through
spiritual leadership. These are cross-winding, interconnected, supportive
roles. For example, a father provides temporal resources so that mother can
focus her efforts inside the earthly home. And the mother teaches and trains in
spiritual matters to assist the father in preparing children for ordinances. In
this interwoven saving work, they support one another as equal partners.
Elder Richard G. Scott taught that a father and
mother’s roles are compatible and complementary. “Our Heavenly Father endowed
His sons and daughters with unique traits especially fitted for their
individual responsibilities as they fulfill His plan. To follow His plan
requires that you do those things He expects of you as a son or daughter,
husband or wife. Those roles are different, but entirely compatible. In the
Lord’s plan, it takes two—a man and a woman—to form a whole. Indeed, a husband
and wife are not two identical halves, but a wondrous, divinely-determined
combination of complementary capacities and characteristics.” (14)
President Spencer W. Kimball explained that the way families are organized not man-made, but was crafted by our Father in Heaven. “The Lord organized the whole program in the beginning with a father who procreates, provides, and loves and directs, and a mother who conceives and bears and nurtures and feeds and trains. The Lord could have organized it otherwise but chose to have a unit with responsibility...The family is the great plan of life as conceived and organized by our Father in Heaven.” (15)
There is Strength in the Division of
Labors and in Defined Roles
With a collaborated, coordinated, sometimes
gender-based division of labors, men and women came to earth prepared to excel
in and be skilled at family posts of responsibility. (16) God has wisely
divided the highest, most essential duties of family equally between men and
women. (17)
Elder Russell M. Ballard encouraged us not to try to
change God’s mind about what He has developed, “Do not spend time trying to
overhaul or adjust God’s plan. We do not have time for that.” (18) Elder Neal
A. Maxwell also cautioned, “We know so little, brothers and sisters, about the
reasons for the division of duties between womanhood and manhood as well as
between motherhood and (fatherhood with Melchizedek Priesthood). These were
divinely determined in another time and another place…(men and women) do not
envy each other, lest by reversals and renunciations of role, we make a
wasteland of both womanhood and manhood.” (19)
The preceding warning is fitting for our day. Both
women and men in family roles are under attack. If the adversary can destroy
the family, he has undercut a most effective, beautiful foundation of God’s
Plan. If he can whisper into the ears of men and women a spirit of discontent
and competition, he can blur the roles and put the children of God at odds with
one another. This breeds exactly what Elder Neal A. Maxwell described as a
“wasteland of both” man and woman. And it makes the adversary prance and leap
and laugh.
The blurring of lines and the destruction of roles can
only be described as sinister. Former General Young Women’s Leader, Florence
Jacobson, questioned the wisdom of redefining womanhood. “Those who tell women
to rise up and be liberated and demand a new role in life are only advocating
liberation from the very functions created in them by God that make them
different from men.” (20) Is it really freedom when mankind has destroyed what
God designed? Here is a caution-- just because a person may not want the role
that God has prescribed, does not change that God has given it. In order
to understand roles, we need to see our lives as an integrated part of the
beautiful, God-prescribed, heavenly orchestration of people-saving.
At a time in the world when families are sometimes
upside-down, it is important to lay aside what might be normal or acceptable to
society and be willing to default with faith to the way that God has laid
things out. A family is fashioned for Divine purposes and by a God who is
omniscient. Sister Sheri Dew, a former member of the General Relief Society
Presidency, once emphasized that the way that families (and this is true about
the Church, too) was arranged by God and is not being improvised or formulated as
humanity rolls along. She said that we are not "a test case, rats
scurrying about in a great, cosmic lab.” (21) We can with full confidence trust
that God is doing this right!
Elder Dallin H. Oaks acknowledged the perils when he
said, “We live in a day when there are many political, legal, and social
pressures for changes that confuse gender and homogenize the differences
between men and women. Our eternal perspective sets us against changes that
alter those separate duties and privileges of men and women that are essential
to accomplish the great plan of happiness.” (22)
Instead of wondering about why heavenly things are the
way they are, we might use our energies to work God’s plan. There is great
power in differing roles and a division of labor. People can become experts at
what they do. Men and women can take an assignment and run with passion. They
can launch out into extraordinary efforts. They can focus on a part without
being cumbered by holding all of the responsibilities. But most importantly,
men and women anxiously engaged in the work of family can please God and assist
him in His saving efforts.
On February 14th, 2018, Alaina Petty, an LDS 14-year-old, died at the hands of a peer in Parkland, Florida. She was one of
seventeen who perished in a sad act of violence inside her high school. When I
heard of this attack, I was horrified, as was the nation. A roar of anger
sounded as people tried to figure out how to make sure that this kind of evil
did not happen again. The ideas were plentiful, but were limited to the arena
of policy and law.
In the weeks that followed the tragedy, I read a news
release from the Church of Jesus Christ’s Newsroom about the shooting where
Alaina's Dad, Ryan Petty, spoke about a different idea of what would help
prevent this situation from happening again. His words were just exactly where
my head had been since hearing about the tragedy.
“I’m not angry at the shooter. I feel like we, as a
society, failed this young man. He did not have the opportunity to live in a
family that could love him the way he needed to be loved; to take care of him
and understand the challenges and emotions he was feeling, and to give him positive
ways to deal with them.” Then Brother Petty added, “Loving families are often
remedies to such challenges. I can’t help but think that the solutions to these
types of problems don’t lie in the policy realm—they lie in having strong
families that (care) for their children and live according to Heavenly Father’s
plan.” (23)
Ryan Petty and his family acted so extraordinarily in
the wake of this personal loss and taught a grieving nation spiritual truths--
that the demise of families was hurting our society. He declared that families
were saving institutions and that there was great power in a parents’ love and
obligation to their children. One might use the old African proverb, "It
Takes a Village to Raise a Child" to delegate children to a community. And
while it is true that children benefit from many loving and caring
helper-people, we can never lose sight of the fact that it takes intentional
and present parents, a mother and a father, to raise a child.
And while there is no guarantee that children will use
their free will and agency to immediately follow even the most beautiful of
parental love, modeling, and teaching. And while a functional family is not
a guarantee that children will be free of organic dysfunction and imperfection,
we should still bank on the family. Reclaiming a child who has diverted or
been difficult, or nurturing a child who has illness or disability is best
accomplished through patient intervention, love, compassion, urging, and nurturing
from a mother and a father. In the end, intentional families win.
The Lord saves and exalts us, one by one. That
pattern is divinely effective. We all need a family. Adults need a marriage
partner, children need a mother and father. The Family Proclamation calls on
parents to “come home” in their hearts and minds, in body and in soul, and see
their greatest contribution to society as the work that they do within their
individual families. And to see themselves as a tool in God’s work of salvation
for the small audience of ones’ own family.
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