Chapter Eight- Father- A Godly Title and Role

“Father” is a Godly-term describing the divine role and destiny of men. Father is the name that the God of this universe uses to describe Himself in His finest role. In 1973, the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles wrote and published an address reaffirming the doctrine and role of fathers. They said, “The title ‘father’ is sacred and eternal. It is significant that of all the titles of respect and honor and admiration that are given to Deity, He has asked us to address him as Father.” (1) 

Fatherhood is a man staring at the dawn of his opportunity, development, and potential.  As Elder D. Todd Christofferson has taught, “We believe in fathers. We believe in 'the ideal of the man' who puts his family first...We believe that far from being superfluous, fathers are unique and irreplaceable.” (2) These definitions and descriptions are vastly different from the way that society portrays “father”. The adversary wants to steal the respect and dignity of a man’s greatest opportunity. It is important to reclaim the name and see fathers and fatherhood as godly. 

A Man is a Covenant Keeper 

Becoming a godly father is a process, made up of a thousand experiences over time. And it starts when a man is just a boy and he begins to focus his energy and imagination towards things that are good and heavenly.            

A man obtains a remission of sin through baptism and he promises a life of discipleship and Christ-like service. Through the conferral of the Gift of the Holy Ghost, he is given access to God the Father’s total priesthood power for sanctification, inspiration, revelation, and power through spiritual gifts. When he is ordained to offices in the Aaronic and Melchizedek Priesthood, he is further obligated to serving his fellow men, specifically to bringing the ordinances of salvation to his family and to mankind. His own ordinances and covenants of the temple further change him, readying him for exaltation through obedience, consecration, and righteous labor. He is becoming a powerful individual who can do miracles for God.           

In this world of crass and undignified men, we need gentlemen who are clean, kind, capable, and responsible. Magnifying covenants and personal righteousness leads boys and men down the path of being a true anomaly. They serve others and love with great heart. They consecrate their lives to bringing joy and purpose to others. Men who embrace the responsibility of his covenants and feel beholden to God and His commandments are different than men of the world.  

When I was a full-time missionary, my companion and I became acquainted with a lovely woman. She was a bright, responsible lady who had experienced a lot of struggle in her life, mostly caused by men of the world. After her first visit to a Sacrament Meeting of The Church of Jesus Christ, she so impressed by the men of the Ward. She was so moved that she would tear up as she watched our faithful fathers holding the babies and being kind and respectful with their wives. She couldn’t believe her eyes when the men became a little emotional as they bore their testimonies of God and Christ. The good men of that ward were significant in allowing her heart to be open to the truths of the gospel. She could see that the men of this church were soft, yet strong men of God. They had become truly “bright lamps” in a world of men who can be boisterous, mean, crude, and harsh.

The Lord told the people of Moses that “…if ye will obey my voice indeed, and keep my covenant, then ye shall be a peculiar treasure unto me above all people.” (3) There are millions of men in the world who are becoming men of God because they are making and keeping covenants. 

Fatherhood is How a Man Meets His Potential 

Some years ago, BYU-Idaho professor of Child Development/Marriage and Family Studies, Tim Rarick, spoke at a campus devotional. He taught that a man hasn't even been introduced to their potential and life's mission until they have prepared for, embraced, and then magnified their role as a father. His words corrected the perception that success in church service, societal influence, and bread-winning completely meet the requirements that God has for men.           

He said, “Sometimes I think that we ...speak of wanting to become like our Heavenly Father by developing His knowledge and perfect attributes, without focusing on becoming what He is: a parent—more specifically, a father.” (4) Brother Rarick then quoted the Church's manual titled “A Parent’s Guide”', “Since a major purpose of our mortal existence is to become like our Heavenly Father…the ultimate goal of a man or boy is to become an effective husband and father.” (5) Then He concluded, “(Fatherhood) is how men reach the full measure of their creation. Brethren, if your goal is exaltation, your goal is fatherhood.” (6) 

“If your goal is exaltation, your goal is fatherhood”-- this is amazing doctrine! This is not a statement of biology, this is a clarion call for men to rise to the role of being an intentional, focused parent. A man's development, even in all of the good he does elsewhere, is incomplete until he embraces being a father. Until he lets the experiences of home and caring for children, in their weakness and complexity, become his passion. His development opportunity. His life's purpose. 

I have some friends who were blessed with the opportunity to adopt a baby boy. The birth mother was a competent, mature woman, but she lacked one thing for this new baby—a father. She made the excruciating decision to place the baby into a family. This new adoptive father described the experiences surrounding the baby’s birth: 

“Finding out that we were selected to adopt (this baby) both surprised and delighted us, and turned our world a bit upside down. We found out that we were selected as adoptive parents on a Friday evening. He was born a few days later (about three weeks early). We flew (to where the baby was being born and) within days of the news, he was in our arms. What an exciting whirlwind! I remember holding him for the first time and knowing he was meant to be in our family. There were lots of tender times, but one of the most meaningful for me was when his birth mom said, ‘I could be a great mother, but the only way I can give him a father is to choose you.’ Then she handed him to me. I'm so thankful to have him as a son. Remembering the week…makes me feel so blessed.” What an amazing insight and tremendous courage from a new birth mother—a baby needs a mother and a baby needs a father.

A Father Presides 

The Family Proclamation states that a father is to “preside” in the home. A father is a servant leader by divine assignment. This is not a position of strength or power in the way the world views power, it is instead a post or station of influence and obligation. This is not the mafia or a terrible male dictatorship. To preside means that a father provides spiritual leadership for his family. That he will lead these people that he loves to Christ, to repentance, to ordinances, and thus, to the blessings of the Atonement. A presider, in God’s definition, is quick to offer praise and encouragement. He is considerate and listens carefully. He feels the weight of his responsibility to provide and bless. He is loving in deed and thought, and is compassionate. 

The father is the patriarch, which means that he is the presiding authority. The model to follow on how to preside in the home is the Savior Jesus Christ. It requires the sacrifice of self and great, transformative love. Former General Relief Society President, Barbara Smith taught that “The righteous husband and father presides in the home with the same principle of sacrifice that Christ demonstrates to His Church, (7) Elder Theodore Tuttle clarified that this role does not mean that the father should be dictatorial, but instead that the father heads his family government. In the beginning, it was the only government on the earth and was passed down from Adam to his descendants. (8) 

To preside means humility. A presider will acknowledge where he is in error and seek forgiveness. He also counsels with his wife and family, and decisions are made in unity. (9)And where is a presiding father leading the family? To Christ and to righteousness. A father is a “come follow me” model and example of kindness, goodness, and love. A fathers’ quest is to be the kind of a leader to whom the wife and children can trust. 

Fatherhood requires the guidance of the Holy Ghost, which only operates on the righteous principles mentioned above. President Ezra Taft Benson counseled men, “The father must hunger and thirst and yearn to bless his family, go to the Lord, ponder the words of God, and live by the Spirit to know the mind and will of the Lord and what he must do to lead his family” (10) 

Kevin Hart, Catholic theologian, philosopher, and poet, spoke at the annual meeting of the Mormon Philosophy and Theology Society on March 27, 2009. (11) Mr. Hart spoke on Christ's parable of The Prodigal Son. (12) It was an interesting insight into fathering.                       

Mr. Hart defined "prodigal" as "exceeding or extreme abundance" and asserted that the parable was not only about the rebellious son being "prodigal", but perhaps more importantly a study of the father's behavior. He said, "(The father) is prodigal in love. When I read the story, I see that the first son was excessive in worldliness, selfishness, gluttony, rebellion, disrespect, and sin. The second was excessive in pride. But the father was excessive in love, compassion, acceptance, respect for agency, and charity. Mr. Hart said that the parable is not about which son we were like, but instead that "we should decide to be more like the father."            

The father in Christ’s parable grieved wickedness but rejoiced in repentance. He guarded God-given agency and prayed for proper use of it. He provided for wants and needs, and gave his boys an opportunity to work. He took no offense at disrespect but continued to show unconditional love. He praised and rewarded righteousness, but welcomed home the one who was repentant in the eleventh hour. He rejoiced and celebrated the penitent. He cherished his relationship to the boys even when they were defiant. He showed unrestricted charity, no matter the situation.           

This insight into the parable of the Prodigal Son describes a godly father. "Fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families." (13) 

A Father Provides 

Men are to provide for all of the temporal needs of their family.  They need to develop talents and "till the earth" (14) so that there is food to eat, clothes to wear, and a shelter to live in. They should protect the home and family temporally and spiritually from anything that would harm or hurt. They enter the world, work hard there, and bring home the resources that the family needs to survive and thrive. 

Elder D. Todd Christofferson stated, "Jesus said, ‘Greater love hath no man than this-- that a man lay down his life for his friends.’ Fathers manifest that love as they lay down their lives day by day, laboring in the service and support of their families." (15)           

A father’s role as the provider makes him an enabler. Providing-fathers make it possible for a woman to train and teach children without care or distraction. Godly fathers cherish and value a woman's mothering and ministerial role so completely that he, literally, spends his days making her work of nurturing possible. Women do not have the responsibilities of resource-gathering so that they can focus completely and are never distracted from their crucial role to build and protect home and be at every turn in a child's life. A godly father understands his accountability in this realm.

Elder Theodore Tuttle used the story of the Old Testament patriarch, Issac, to illustrate a father’s roles. From Genesis, it reads, “And [Isaac] builded an altar there, and called upon the name of the Lord, and pitched his tent there: and there Isaac’s servants digged a well.” (16)

     

Elder Tuttle continued, “Altar, tent, and well. Isaac did not become an Abraham or a Jacob. He did not reach the heights of Abraham, called the ‘father of the faithful.’ Nor was he as impressive as his son Israel, father of the twelve tribes. Yet Isaac is loved and revered. He worshiped God, cared for his home, and pursued his work. He is remembered simply as a man of peace. The eloquent simplicity of his life and his unique ability to lend importance to the commonplace made him great. Altar, tent, and well: his worship, his home, his work. These basic things of life signified his relationship to God (altar), to his family (tent), and his work (well).” (17)

 

These are “the big three for men” of the Church. First, a father centers his personal life on spiritual things at the “altar”. Next, he strengthens his “tent”, or his home through his presiding and leadership. And lastly, he enters the world and digs a “well” so that he can provide for his family’s needs. 

The Scope of Melchizedek Priesthood in the Home 

When a man receives the Melchizedek Priesthood, he is given permission to do things in his home that fall under the scope of the priesthood.  These are called “the rights associated with his fatherhood”. (18) This phrase is descriptive of a man’s most important calling—father.            

We often hear the phrase, “A Priesthood Holder in the Home” and we loop that together with what men do in the Church. But, the scope of the priesthood in the home is different. I believe that a better name for the work that a man does in his home is simply the godly term, “Father”. 

A father’s work is to bring spiritual blessings to his family. This means that fathers are always pointing their families to the next ordinance. The Duties of the Priesthood manual teaches that “Worthy fathers should baptize their children, confirm upon them the gift of the Holy Ghost, and ordain them to the priesthood. However, unlike the rights associated with his fatherhood, a father can perform these ordinances only after receiving permission from the priesthood leaders who hold the keys in his Church unit.” (19)           

A father brings blessings into his home when he is living righteously and acting under the influence of the Holy Ghost. A man’s power source is God the Father, through the cleansing and enabling Atonement of Jesus Christ, with the Holy Ghost’s inspiration. (Chapters One through Three) When you describe a father, you are describing a righteous, striving man who can officiate in priesthood functions because of that faithfulness.           

Bishop H. Burke Peterson listed some of the ways that a father can influence the home: “If (men) live (righteously), ours can be a power given us from our Heavenly Father that will bring peace to a troubled household. Ours can be a power that will bless and comfort little children: that will bring sleep to tear-stained eyes in the [early] hours of the morning. Ours can be the power that will…calm the unsettled nerves of a tired wife. Ours can be the power that will give direction to a confused and vulnerable teenager. Ours, the power to bless a daughter before she goes on her first date or before her temple marriage, or to bless a son before his departure for a mission or college…Ours can be the power to heal the sick and comfort the lonely.” (20)           

Bishop Peterson’s words are, first, a beautiful description of a father who is good, kind, solicitous and is trying to follow the Savior. It is also the description of a father who presides and blesses his family without a trace of pride or domination.

I have a father who is just as Bishop Peterson described. I also had a wonderful mother. She was as intentional as any I have ever seen.  She had a bachelor's degree in Human Development and Family Relations and her greatest ambition was to raise a family and make a lovely home. She served home-cooked meals with vegetables, read us Caldecott Award-winning books, spoke to us with respect and love, pushed us to set goals, sewed us matching dresses, kissed us on the head, and taught us how to work. She was very good at her profession.           

My Dad tells me that he was impressed with and grateful for her capacity, talent and efficiency with the home and children. Working in tandem, he knew he had a role as a provider and a spiritual leader and guider, but beyond that, he didn't exactly know what it was that he contributed to our family life, especially the child-rearing.           

One day, my dad had a young 40-something-year-old heart attack. After some days of hospitalization, he was visited by my oldest sister, Alison. She encouraged him to get better, “Hurry!  We need you at home!” She told him that things were kind of chaotic without him. My dad tells me that that plea from a teen-age daughter was an insight into family influence that he hadn't before recognized completely. “I learned that I was a stabilizing force for our family. That I was steady, kept things positive, and on an even-keel emotionally.” To this day, he gets a little teary when he tells this story because it was such an important lesson for him to learn-- even with a capable mother, our family needed him!           

I agree with my sister’s long-ago assessment, families need fathers. I needed my dad's kind encouragement, his predictable reactions, and his weakness for spoiling this daughter. I needed his measured counsel, his pithy wisdom, his Gospel instruction, and his pillow fights. I needed Elder LeGrande Richards read out loud to me, regular scripture study, and his kind, approving looks. I needed to play hide and seek with him, even though we knew he would always be found in the bathtub. I needed his example of hard work and sacrifice, the use of his beat-up pick-up truck, and his kneeling prayers at dinner time. I needed more than provisions, I needed a father in the deepest most sacred use of that word.

Sometimes we talk about the Melchizedek Priesthood callings in the Church as though they are the highest noblest thing that men can do. It is true that they offer a man opportunities to serve and teach and love, but they are secondary. The work that a man does inside his family is work only he can do and is a man’s number one responsibility and opportunity. A godly father who provides spiritually and temporally, presides in love and righteousness, and protects his wife and children.